If at first you don't succeed, try looking in the wastebasket for the directions

A wife will give her husband sports shirts, slacks, and loafers, then call him lazy when he acts the part he's dressed for.

You are an old-timer when you can remember when you could tell a youngster the facts of life without getting into a debate.

A good test of your power of concentration is your ability to do your child's homework while he is watching television.

Sign in a cafeteria: "Courteous and efficient self-service."

Arthritis is when you have get up and oh!

Many a fellow gets the reputation for being energetic, when in truth he is merely fidgety.

Poverty is a state of mind sometimes induced by the neighbor's new car.

The road to success is always underconstruction.

Indigestion is the failure to adjust a square meal to a round stomach.

If you are not afraid to face the music, you may some day lead the band.

In times of testing, there are three things to be done: first, put up a good fight;

second, go on with the course you are sure is the right one; and third, keep the faith.

'Peace cannot reside where there is ill will. If in your heart you can cultivate goodwill, peace will come and live with you."

LET'S HAVE A LI'L FUN

Youngster, writing a letter:"Dear Sandy Kaus:I just wanna put in a new order quick. I jest found all the things I ast for under the spare room bed."

A: "What time is it by your watch?
B : "Quarter to."   A: Quarter to what?"
B: "I can't tell. Times got so bad I had to lay off one of the hands."

"We were surounded by natives," related the explorer. "They uttered savage cries, danced madly, and beat the earth with their clubs.""Sounds like golf,." said the bored listener.

In the midst of the Christmas shopping rush in a large city department store, a fussy little old lady was making a prolonged selection at the perfume counter. She had the poor saleswoman almost at her wits' end as she hesitated, questioned, selected, discarded, and selected again. Finally she narrowed the selection down to Apple Blossom perfume, but before she made her purchase, she asked, "'Could you tell me, miss, what kind of apples were used - Baldwin or McIntosh?"

"Has your baby learned to talk yet?" a friend asked. "Oh, yes," the mother replied. "We're trying to teach him to be quiet, now."

Last summer a girl told her sweetheart she couldn't think of marrying him until he had saved at least a thousand dollars.

Toward the end of the year, she asked him how much he had saved. "Oh, about thirty-five dollars." "Well", she said, "that's close enough